


Hell Is Living Without You

by aintgonnaleaveyoumikey



Category: Grand Theft Auto Series (Video Games), Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Crying, Family, Fluff and Smut, Light Dom/sub, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, M/M, mentions of consensual sleep sex kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:21:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27543019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintgonnaleaveyoumikey/pseuds/aintgonnaleaveyoumikey
Summary: He wasn’t the type to cry, but now he was closer to it than he had been since the day Tracey was born.
Relationships: Amanda De Santa/Michael De Santa, Michael De Santa/Trevor Philips
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Hell Is Living Without You

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of The Lost Boys Vol. 1, a Trikey fanzine! 182 pages of Trikey goodness. 
> 
> You can get it for free from [here](https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1wuK7xUDkj4vioR6lWT3eqaeelOHmMwv3). 
> 
> Also go follow my [Tumblr](https://nevergonnasimpyoumikey.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Thank you so much to trepidatingboarfetus for beta reading this! <33

Michael parked the car in front of the familiar motel, his breath visible in the cold air and fingers feeling like they could fall off any moment. Yet he didn’t go in, just stared at the door of the room where he knew Trevor was waiting for him. 

He wasn’t the type to cry, but now he was closer to it than he had been since the day Tracey was born. He had needed to get away from home, but he didn’t really feel like he could deal with Trevor and his energy either — but ultimately, it came down to the fact that he didn’t find it in him to blow Trevor off. Again. 

So he decided to suck it up: he got out of the car and made his way to the room, and like usual, Trevor had left the door unlocked. He opened it to find Trevor waiting on the bed, only wearing his boxers. He was leaning back on his elbows, rising a bit to greet Michael. 

"Fucking finally. I was starting to think you weren’t coming," Trevor noted with a slight smirk. 

Michael closed the door, locking it. Then he turned around to look at Trevor, but instead of joining him like usual, he just leaned on the door and rubbed his face. Maybe he shouldn't have come here, after all. 

He watched the smirk on Trevor’s face die down. "Hey, T," he greeted quietly, feeling like shit for having that effect on Trevor’s mood. 

"Something wrong, Mikey?" Trevor asked, looking at Michael carefully, and Michael could see his body getting tense.

He still looked gorgeous lying on the bed like that. His lean body looked enticing, and Michael got lost in his thoughts; he could just get in bed and lose himself in Trevor, instead, for the night. He could do that and ignore everything else for a while. But his head felt slow, not sharp like usual, and moving felt impossible. 

"Mikey?" Trevor asked again, more urgently, rising even more. 

"... Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. Kinda," Michael sighed and rubbed his face again, trying to get his thoughts together. 

" _Kinda_?" 

Michael didn't answer. 

"You look like shit," Trevor continued, now getting up from the bed. He walked to Michael who didn't have the energy to give a sarcastic reply, not even his usual annoyed glare, and that's when Trevor truly started to look alarmed. "M? What’s going on?" 

They stared at each other for a long while, and Michael couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't keep pretending to be strong and unaffected when those brown eyes bore into his. 

"I'm just really fucking _tired_ of everything, T," Michael choked out, feeling tears of pure exhaustion in his eyes. He fought to keep eye contact for long enough just to see Trevor blinking at him in surprise, but his vision blurred with tears, and he had to avert his gaze in embarrassment at admitting any sort of weakness. 

Immediately, he felt Trevor's arms wrapping around his waist. It wasn't their first hug by far, but it felt more meaningful, more real than their previous ones. Michael pulled Trevor, warm and feeling like literal heaven, closer and buried his face in Trevor's neck, trying to stop the tears. He just barely managed. He took deep breaths, inhaling Trevor's smell, hand desperately clutching his back.

His legs felt weak, and he unwillingly slumped down a bit; Trevor's strength and the door were the only things keeping him on his feet. He hadn't felt this cared for in ages, maybe never. 

"Just tired, Mikey?" Trevor murmured in his ear after a while, lips brushing his earlobe, and the simple act felt so good, and Trevor's presence so intimate, that Michael wanted to never let go of Trevor. And even though the thought scared him a bit, he pushed the fear away. 

"Yeah. I just…" He trailed off when he felt Trevor shivering, probably because of the cold hands and clothes pressing against his skin. "You _idiot_ , you're gonna freeze." He put his hands on Trevor’s shoulders and gently pushed him, trying to keep him at arm's length. 

But Trevor’s hands found his face. "I don't give a fuck," he answered and leaned in to press a kiss on Michael’s lips, and Michael was too tired to resist, but he didn’t have time to kiss back before Trevor murmured, "Take off your clothes, and let’s get to bed."

Trevor pulled away from him, and Michael rubbed his eyes quickly, grimacing. “Listen, Trev, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I could even get it u—”

“ _Jesus_ , Mikey, what do you take me for?” Trevor rolled his eyes. “You are gonna take a well-deserved nap, my friend.” 

“Oh.” Michael breathed out, surprised but relieved. “But… But you don’t seem tired.”

“Nah, I’m not. But don't you worry about that, I'll just keep myself entertained by watching you sleep,” Trevor grinned and started taking off Michael’s coat. 

Michael chuckled weakly and stood up straight to give Trevor space to take off his coat and shirts. Michael toed off his shoes and opened his belt. "But it's not really _us time_ if I'm just here to sleep," he said, kicking off his pants and socks.

Trevor opened his mouth but then closed it; he led Michael to bed, staying silent until Michael was spooned against him, and the covers shielded them from the outside world. 

"Just sleep, Sugar, you clearly need it,” Trevor whispered against Michael’s neck. 

Michael sighed, thankful and relaxed despite the fact that he would have never _asked_ to be cuddled like this — his pride wouldn't have allowed that — but Trevor seemed to know that this was what he needed right now. 

It didn't take long for sleep to take over when Trevor was holding him so tightly, keeping him safe. 

***

When he woke up, Trevor was still holding him, caressing his belly soothingly in small, circular movements. Michael hummed and turned his head towards Trevor as much as he could.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Trevor sneered sarcastically but pressed a kiss on his jawline. Michael huffed in both amusement and pleasure. 

“Hey,” he croaked, opening his eyes a bit. The room was dark, only street lights peeking through the curtains allowing him to see anything. “Fuck, how long did I sleep?”

“A few hours," Trevor murmured, but Michael had a feeling it was a lot longer than that. 

"Fuck. I'm sorry." 

"What for?" Trevor grunted softly, pressing his lips against Michael's neck. 

"For being such a fucking wreck," he groaned, embarrassed, turning his head away. 

Trevor snorted. "You're not a wreck, Mikey, and believe me, _I_ know wrecks. You feeling better?”

“Much better,” Michael answered honestly, even though he was still tired. He closed his eyes again. “Haven’t slept this long without interruptions since… Fuck, I don’t even know when. You’re like fucking magic, T.”

“Glad to be of service,” Trevor answered, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“You really are,” Michael sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry I’ve blown you off a few times these past months. It’s been rough at home.” Michael pressed closer to Trevor, who was now running his hand down Michael’s side, fingers twirling slowly on his hip bone before moving down, caressing his thigh, and then going back up. Michael almost moaned, it felt so good.

“... Yeah?” Trevor prompted.

“... Yeah. Tracey and Amanda both got the flu so I was taking care of them. And Jimmy, too. He’s started having these nightmares,” he mumbled. “He refuses to go to sleep and keeps waking up at night. It’s been fucking awful.”

“Fuck,” Trevor grunted. “You could have asked me to come and help you out.”

“Yeah, well. Amanda.” She didn’t like Trevor hanging around, so when Michael insisted on Trevor visiting the kids, she usually went to her sister’s place for the day. It was a solution that just about worked. “I mentioned it to her, but she didn’t wanna have you around when she was sick.”

Trevor groaned in answer. “Her fucking pride.”

“Probably, yeah," Michael muttered quietly because he truly had no right to criticize anyone's pride. "And man, she was pissed off when I came here, but I just had to get away now that she got better. She's gonna fucking tear me a new one when I get back home.” 

Trevor grunted in sympathy, clearly annoyed with her, and they fell silent. 

Michael tried to push away thoughts of her and instead enjoyed the closeness: Trevor's body was pressed against his tightly and his fingers were brushing on his nipple. It made him sigh in pleasure, and he felt Trevor's cock hardening against his ass through the thin layers of clothing they were wearing. Instinctively, he pressed against Trevor's erection, and Trevor responded by kissing his neck, sucking lightly. 

Michael was quickly getting hard, too, now that he had slept away the worst of his exhaustion. The feeling of Trevor's tongue and lips on his neck and then earlobe made him moan, and Trevor sucked on it as he moved his hand to Michael's belly, then cupped his cock through his underwear. 

"God, yes," Michael sighed, thrusting lazily against Trevor's hand while Trevor grinded against him. 

"See, you could get it up after all," Trevor huffed out a laugh against his ear.

Michael grunted. "That's only thanks to you, T. I'm still pretty tired."

"Then just lay back, and let me take care of you," Trevor murmured and pulled his hand away from under Michael's head, prompting Michael to turn on his back as Trevor got on his knees between Michael's legs. The covers slid off of them, but neither of them was cold anymore so they didn't care. 

Michael lifted his legs as Trevor took off his boxers, fingers lightly brushing his cock in the process, making Michael push against his hand.

"Impatient." Trevor grinned and threw the final piece of Michael's clothing on the floor before taking off his own. For a while, they both just looked at each other, both naked and eager. 

Michael's cock twitched, but Trevor didn't give him what he wanted just yet. He ran his hands up Michael's thighs and hips before leaning in to kiss him. Michael grunted as his cock, standing almost fully hard against his stomach, pressed against Trevor's.

The kiss was slow and intimate, and Michael's hands found Trevor's neck as he groaned in pleasure. "Trev," he sighed against the warm lips and thrust up against Trevor.

He felt Trevor smile. "Just relax, darling," Trevor whispered, caressing the stubble Michael hadn't had time to shave.

_Darling_. That was new. Sometimes he was _Sugartits_ or _Porkchop_ but never anything as affectionate as _darling._ Michael blushed and gave Trevor a small nod, keeping his eyes closed as Trevor kissed his neck, then his chest, before moving down and wrapping his lips around his cock. 

Michael moaned as Trevor rolled his tongue around the head, then sucked. His hands found the back of Trevor's head, but not to push him down aggressively like usual: he just took a hold of Trevor's long hair, eliciting a moan from him, but let him continue without interrupting his pace. 

It was slower and considerably more gentle than usual; so unlike them, but so good that Michael couldn't keep quiet, especially when Trevor teased him with his tongue while moving his head up and down. His grunts and moans filled the room.

Trevor used his hand as well, jerking Michael off slowly when his mouth focused on the tip of his cock, but each time he lowered his head, Michael's cock slid in a bit deeper. 

" _Jesus_!" Michael choked out as Trevor eventually took his whole length in his mouth and cupped his balls. "Jesus fucking Christ, Trev…!" His eyes shot open, and he looked at Trevor, gasping at the feeling _and_ the sight. 

Trevor winked at him, and Michael let out a breathy laugh. _Bastard_. He continued bobbing his head up and down, and the wetness of his mouth and his talented movements made Michael thrust up slightly. 

But Trevor pulled away to gasp for air, palming Michael’s cock and rolling his thumb over the sensitive head. Michael watched Trevor's wet lips in awe, still holding his hair. “Shit. You’re amazing,” Michael panted, feeling lightheaded.

Trevor smiled and licked his lips. “You’re one to talk. You look so fucking delicious when you sleep, Mikey, you know that? It was hard to keep my hands off you.”

The thought made Michael’s cheeks get warm and his cock twitch in Trevor’s hand. “Well, don’t. Next time, I mean,” he muttered. 

  
Trevor raised his eyebrows. “While you sleep? Is that… permission?” He started stroking Michael’s cock, grinning widely. “Didn’t know you’d be into that.”

Michael chuckled, thrusting into Trevor’s hand, finally breaking their eye contact as he dropped his head back against the pillow. “Me neither. I blame you.” 

“Don’t even try that, Cowboy. You’re just as freaky as me,” Trevor scoffed but with humor in his voice before getting on his knees to reach for a bottle of lube on the nightstand, letting go of Michael’s cock. Michael whined a bit, but after Trevor got the lube open, poured some on his fingers and some on Michael’s cock, and reached to finger himself, his free hand came back to pleasure Michael. 

“I could do that for you, you know,” Michael groaned quietly, but he did love watching the look on Trevor’s face as he stretched himself. 

Trevor chuckled. “Like I said, just relax. Enjoy the show.”

Michael hummed an answer, but couldn’t just stay still and watch. He took Trevor’s cock in his hand and jerked him off slowly, making him moan deliciously and close his eyes.

“Enjoying the show a lot, T,” Michael murmured, his gaze wandering between Trevor’s face and his cock. Trevor laughed breathily and then groaned as he added a second finger. Michael moved his hand a bit faster to distract him from the discomfort, and it seemed to work, based on the smile creeping back on Trevor's lips. 

But then Trevor muttered: "You do know you're a control freak, right?" and Michael raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

"Am I?" Michael asked, confused, but didn’t stop stroking Trevor’s cock. 

"Of course you are. Can't just allow me to take the lead." He smiled mischievously. 

“Well, sorry, here I was thinking I was doing something nice for you,” Michael scoffed. 

“You’re forgiven,” Trevor sneered. Michael rolled his eyes but quickly forgot his annoyance when Trevor pulled out his fingers and moved up, lining Michael’s cock against his slick hole. He looked into Michael's eyes as he lowered himself, making Michael gasp in pleasure as his cock slid inside Trevor.

“Fuck,” Trevor hissed in discomfort, but still kept moving. Michael caressed Trevor's thigh that was tense and slightly trembling while stroking Trevor's cock — even when it was softening a bit — with his other hand. 

“Just relax and take your time, Trev… You’re doing so well..." Michael muttered; the compliment made Trevor's breath hitch, so Michael continued. "You feel fucking amazing, you're _so good_ to me..."

Trevor let out a tiny whimper, sinking lower and lower until all of Michael's cock was inside him. They were both breathing heavily, and Michael knew Trevor was starting to enjoy himself again because he was getting harder in Michael’s hand.

But then Trevor leaned over him, took his hands, and gently pushed them down on the mattress over his head. “ _Let me_ , Mikey.”

Michael grunted softly, scrunching his eyebrows but not resisting. Trevor gave him a small, teasing smile, and without a warning he lifted his hips and then lowered them, making Michael close his eyes and open his mouth to gasp in a breath. "Oh, fuck, Trev…!"

Trevor’s fingers wrapped around his wrist tighter and then he felt warm lips on his. Trevor kissed him gently at first, then deepened the kiss, and Michael couldn’t help but moan as Trevor thrust up and down, picking up his pace.

Trevor broke the kiss, panting heavily. “Jesus, Mikey, you feel so fucking amazing inside me,” he groaned and pressed his lips against the corner of Michael’s mouth; the simple, intimate gesture making Michael blush.

“T-Trevor,” Michael moaned an answer, his words failing him, and it didn’t help his brain to function when Trevor took his cock deeper and faster. He was tight and hot and Michael felt like he was melting into him — but maybe he had been right when he called Michael a control freak. He wanted to touch Trevor, feel his skin, hold him tightly, thrust into him, come inside him...

Michael grunted and strained his fingers a bit, wanting to break free of Trevor's hold, but Trevor didn't notice or just ignored him. "Come on, Trev, I wanna touch you,” he groaned.

Trevor huffed out a laugh. "Like I said. Control freak."

Michael grunted, but Trevor released his hands before he could complain again — and lifted himself upright, placing his hands on Michael's belly for support. Michael's hands immediately found Trevor's hips, and he gripped them hard.

Trevor smirked down at him and started rocking his hips again. 

The angle was different now, and Michael could see himself sliding in and out of Trevor, in and out; the sight almost hypnotizing. Trevor was hard, as well, his cock bouncing in rhythm with his movements. 

Trevor scratched his belly lightly, making Michael hiss a bit, before placing his hands on Michael’s forearms. He slammed his hips down, and Michael groaned, thrusting up into Trevor. 

After that, Michael lost the little patience he had: he held Trevor so tightly by his hips that he couldn’t move anymore, earning himself an amused glare. He ignored it and just kept thrusting into Trevor, cursing under his breath, and when Trevor moaned his name, he pistoned his hips even faster.

"Oh, Jesus, Trevor, you're fucking perfect," he grunted, feeling himself getting closer and Trevor’s fingers gripping his forearms tight enough to hurt. Michael could barely keep his eyes on Trevor, the pleasure overwhelming him, but he wanted to see Trevor’s face, now flushed red. Trevor licked his lips and threw his head back, letting out a desperate whine.

"Shit, I'm so close," Michael moaned. He let go of Trevor’s hips and instead palmed his cock, jerking him off with fervor. 

"Fuck, yes, Mikey, come on, come in me," Trevor gasped, his eyes closing and mouth opening as he panted and moaned. “I love you! I love you, I love you, Mikey, please…!” 

“Trevor,” Michael choked out, and then ropes of cum landed on his stomach as he thrust impossibly deep and shot his load inside Trevor, shouting out Trevor’s name through his climax. 

Michael’s thighs were shaking, and he slumped back against the mattress; Trevor lifted his hips, making Michael’s cock slide out of him, but he didn’t roll off of Michael. Instead, he lay against Michael and buried his face against his neck, catching his breath. Michael caressed his back, barely aware of the mess between them. 

Michael lost all sense of time as Trevor was pressed against him so warm and perfect. He felt a burst of affection that made him hug Trevor tight against him and kiss his sweaty forehead. He felt sappy and stupid, but Trevor hummed contently in response, so maybe the feeling was worth it. 

"What are you thinking, T?" Michael murmured. 

"Not much,” Trevor sighed. “Just, uh…” He trailed off and cleared his throat, still pressed against Michael’s neck.

“Yeah?” Michael prompted.

“... Never been called _perfect_." Trevor scoffed, but Michael had a feeling he was just putting on an amused facade. 

Based on everything Michael knew about Trevor’s life, he believed that no one had ever called him perfect. He couldn’t imagine Trevor ever hearing nice things about himself; on the contrary, he had probably only ever heard how fucked up he was. And Michael had told him that, too, once or twice, but he didn't have to be like all the other assholes in Trevor's life. He could actually become the one person to tell him otherwise. 

"Well, you are, Trev,” he muttered, letting his hands wander along Trevor’s spine.

Trevor snorted. “Yeah, right. You only say that because you were balls deep in me." Trevor rolled off of him, but stayed close to him, lying on his back. He wiped his chest and stomach on the covers and then threw it on Michael, who did the same.

Michael turned his head to look at him, eyebrows scrunched up. “Shit, Trev. That’s not true. Besides, you’re one to talk.” 

Trevor stared back at him with a confrontational look in his brown eyes. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” 

Michael’s expression softened. “Nothing, man. It’s just that you only tell me you… that you… _love_ me when you’re coming.” He struggled to get _the word_ out. 

Trevor sat up suddenly, startling Michael. His eyes were furious as he spat out: “Oh! That’s rich coming from you, M! You’ve never told me that in any way, so how the fuck am I supposed to know it would be okay to tell you when we’re _not_ fucking?! You’ve never even graced me with any fucking acknowledgment when I've told you! You never do anything but ignore me, you piece of—!”

Michael sat up after the initial shock about the outburst. He put his hand on Trevor’s shoulder. “Hey, hey. Calm down, T, okay?” He asked, voice shaking a bit. 

Trevor growled but stopped talking, and Michael squeezed his shoulder as he took a few deep breaths.

“I am calm,” Trevor answered finally, grinding his teeth together. 

“Right,” Michael murmured, patting his shoulder quickly before lying back down and holding out his arm for Trevor. "Come back here."

But Trevor turned to look at him, not moving, and for a while, they just stared at each other. Trevor’s whole body was on display and it was so hard not to get distracted by it — but Michael forced himself to meet Trevor's piercing gaze when he asked: “ _Do_ you love me, Mikey?”

For a moment Michael felt like he had just been tackled: the direct question took his breath away, and he couldn't answer immediately.

His stupor must have been obvious because Trevor scoffed. “If you don’t, maybe you shouldn’t keep running back to me whenever things get rough at home.” His voice was tight, but he couldn't quite produce his usual harsh tone. 

Michael knew immediately that leaving Trevor was not an option. Trevor had turned from someone fun to mess around with into a safe haven, someone he could always rely on. Thoughts and memories of everything they had done together ran in Michael’s head, but his head still felt more clear than it had in a long time. He couldn’t keep denying what he had denied for years and years, nor did he want to deny it when Trevor was voicing something that clearly bothered him.

But it still didn’t mean it was easy. He didn’t think expressing his feelings would ever become easy for him, not with the way he had learned to suppress all weakness under his father’s thumb. And emotions, in that scrubby trailer at least, were definitely a weakness.

Maybe Trevor knew it. He waited patiently — although with a scowl on his face — while Michael searched for the words that didn’t come. “I do, Trev,” he finally said, maintaining eye contact and watching Trevor carefully but earnestly. “I _do_. It’s just not easy for me to say like it is easy for you. I’m sorry.”

The frown melted away as Trevor opened and then closed his mouth; he took a shaky breath and lay down as well, on his side facing Michael. Michael turned to his side too and laid his hand on Trevor’s waist.

“Do you really?” Trevor asked, his voice quiet and gaze uncertain, so unlike his usual boisterous guise.

It made Michael smile softly because they were sharing vulnerability like never before. Sure, they had talked about their shitty childhoods before, but this wasn’t powered by anger or disappointment. This felt good and real, and just the tiniest bit scary, but Michael pushed it aside and nodded.

Suddenly, Trevor’s lips were against his and gentle, trembling hands held his face, their bodies pressing against each other as Trevor planted small kisses on his lips. It was sweet, but he could also feel a sense of despair in the way Trevor kissed.

“Trev,” he muttered between kisses, wrapping his arms around Trevor who was pushing him on his back. “Are you okay?”

Trevor stopped but didn't pull away, pressing their foreheads together and letting his hands drop to Michael's shoulders. "No, I'm not okay. You love me?" Trevor murmured. 

Michael chuckled. “Yeah, I do.”

“... And still you married _her_.”

Michael’s laughter died down because Trevor sounded absolutely heartbroken.

He didn’t think he could ever fix that heartbreak.

“Listen, I… I made a mistake, T,” he sighed guiltily. Trevor tensed against him and Michael quickly continued. “Marrying her was a mistake. I did… fall for her, but it wasn’t… It wasn’t anything deeper than that. We’ve got nothing in common except the kids, and I thought that would be enough. I wanted that family life, wanted her to keep Tracey, but…” He hesitated. 

Trevor lifted his head, staring down at him. "What are you trying to say, Michael?" 

"... That it wasn’t enough that I wanted that kind of life. It’s still not enough. Amanda and I barely talk, all we do is fight or sulk over stupid shit. And I'm a bad father," he whispered, and when he finally voiced the thought out loud, he couldn’t stop from pouring out every fear he had. "I'm not cut out to be a father. I don’t know how to be with my kids because I’ve been away so much, and when I am home, I just don’t… I just wanted to be a real father who loves his kids and does things with them instead of… Jesus fucking Christ, I’m no better than my own piece of shit father, the only difference is that I don’t hit my kids.” He let out a strangled, fearful laugh and wiped away the few tears that had gathered in his eyes. 

Trevor took a firm but not rough hold of his jaw. "Hey. Don't you _ever_ compare yourself to that asshole. You are _not_ the same as him," Trevor said sternly, knowing full well what kind of a man they were talking about. “You love your kids, and they love you, Mikey, I can see that.”

“They're just too young to realize how shitty I am,” Michael murmured. “Besides, they like you a lot more than me.”

Trevor shrugged.

Michael swallowed nervously. "I'm serious. Sometimes I think they'd all be happier if I wasn't around anymore," Michael breathed out, holding eye contact with Trevor. “Maybe... Maybe I should be with you. It’s always been you and not her."

Trevor looked at him, stunned at first but then anger took over. “You made that choice yourself.”

“I know I did, but—”

“And you’re gonna stick with it,” Trevor interrupted him, voice harsh. “You dare to even _consider_ leaving them, and I’ll _fucking_ —”

Michael knew it was Trevor's own experience talking, and he also knew Trevor would mean whichever words came next. “I’m not gonna leave them,” Michael interrupted quickly, holding Trevor’s shoulders. “Of course I won’t! It was just a thought.” Just another one of his stupid fantasies.

Trevor squinted his eyes at him. "A bad one," Trevor grunted after a while. “You made your bed, Sugar, now lie in it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael grunted back at him. “I fucked up, Trev, I know I did.”

Trevor sighed. “That you did. But hey, at least I’ll be lying in the bed with you, dealing with your awful decisions.” By the end of his sentence, he was smirking.

  
A smile spread to Michael’s face as well. “Will you? Even with my massive fuck-ups?” 

Trevor curled up against Michael, pressing his face against Michael’s neck; Michael wrapped his hand around his shoulders and held him close. His heart was beating fast as the reality of the situation hit him: Trevor didn’t want him to leave his family, but he also said they would be together.

Could he really have it all? 

When Trevor spoke, his voice was soft. “When you got here I thought you were gonna fucking leave me. I’ve never seen you act like that.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Michael mumbled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Trevor nodded. “Yeah, yeah, don't worry your pretty head about it," he sneered, then paused to take a deep breath. "What I’m trying to say is that I’m happy with having this. We’ll always have _this_ , Mikey. Go play the straight family man but be sure to come back to me, too.”

“And you’re fine with that?” Michael asked, slightly dazed because he knew Trevor was possessive, had been ever since he met Amanda.

“I’m gonna have to be, ain’t I?” Trevor murmured and ran his fingers over Michael's belly. 

"Trev," Michael sighed. The thought of Trevor settling for an arrangement like this when he could have something more, someone fully committed to him and only him, was killing him a bit inside. 

"Fine," Trevor huffed. "I hate sharing you with her but considering the other options… Living without you would be _hell_ so I'll take this. I want you, and I wanna be a part of Tracey's and Jimmy's lives. Having to deal with our _darling_ Mandy is just a necessary evil."

“Okay,” Michael breathed out, overwhelmed. “If you’re sure. I know I am. I’m just… I’ll have to lie to them.” And he felt a bit guilty about that — but not enough to give up Trevor. 

Trevor raised his eyebrows. “I think it’s a bit too late to start having a problem with lying, don’t you? You’ve lied to her since the fucking beginning.” 

“Yeah," Michael laughed a bit bitterly. "I’m an asshole. An asshole with you as my mistress.”

Trevor snorted in amusement. “Mistress, eh?” He pressed a kiss on Michael’s lips and grinned. “I’ll be anything you want me to be.”

Michael chuckled. “I know you’ll be. So it’s gonna be me, my wife, my kids, and my _mistress_. Ain’t that something.”

And at the time Michael was naive enough to believe that it was going to be like that forever, that he really could have it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Alice Cooper - Hell Is Living Without You
> 
> On my lips your memory  
> Has been stained  
> Is it all in vain  
> Tell me who's to blame
> 
> I can't take another night  
> Burning inside this
> 
> Hell is living without your  
> Love ain't nothing without your  
> Touch me, heaven would be like  
> Hell is living without you
> 
> Nights get longer and colder  
> I'm down begging to hold ya  
> On my own and I feel like  
> Hell is living without you


End file.
